December 9, 1994 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

EVENINGS OUT

Lesbian and gay lives, through parents' eyes

Queer Son

Produced by Vickie Seitchik

Reviewed by Bob Boone

"And now, looking back, I realize how twofaced society is. Because when our middle son said that he was going to get married, we never asked him, was he sure, or did he want to talk about it.

Queer Son, a remarkable 48-minute documentary featuring a cross-section of parents with gay sons and one lesbian's mother, all sharing their experiences through skillfully compiled interviews, is filled with such insights. Producer Vickie Seitchik, herself the mother of a gay son, seems to ease profound comments out of the parents with which she talks.

Seitchik has gathered for her interviews quite a diverse group, including Asian, Hispanic, and African-American families. Wideranging too are their personalities and their outlooks. One rather spirited mother explains how one morning she awakened her son with a glass of cold water in his face and demanded to know if he was gay or what. A father in an AIDS dance-a-thon T-shirt cries as he discusses the unfairness of the trials his gay son will face that his two straight children will never have to deal with. Another mother somberly recounts feeling that her son's being gay would condemn him to hell.

Creating an excellent flow to the parents' stories, Seitchik edits their recollections to progress concurrently, so that throughout the documentary the families are all dealing within the same stages as one another. With this setup, it soon becomes clear that, despite the diversity of the families, there is a familiar evolution of emotions. The guilt most of the

parents feel at first makes way for acceptance and then joy as they realize the new honesty and greater level of sharing that comes with their children's openness.

Perhaps surprising for a documentary, Queer Son even sports a pair of amazingly frightening villains. They come in the form of a Gingrich-esque conservative couple that feign themselves as Christians and claim their moral obligation to combat homosexuality stems from the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights, since all are based on Judeo-Christian values. Having decided, too, that homosexuality comes from mistakes during upbringing, the couple promises (in an obvious temptation of fate) to provide an "attractive" heterosexual example that will ensure their children will be straight.

Seitchik effectively includes such attitudes to crystallize the reluctance of queer sons and daughters to come out to their parents. It also emphasizes why not all the accounts in Queer Son are idyllic. As the stories unfold, one mother remembers the telephone call to inform her of her son's suicide. He had sunk into depression over being gay and she had been incapable of trying to comfort him. Now, in solace, she marches in gay pride parades so that other parents can learn from her story.

Others of the parents join the pride marches as well, many march hand-in-hand with their children, some marching in memory of their sons who have died from AIDS. By simply listening to their stories, Queer Son allows a deeper understanding of what all of these parents feel as they march.

Queer Son can be ordered by sending a check or money order for $19.95 plus $3.95 shipping and handling to: Vickie Seitchik, 19 Jackson St., Cape May, NJ 08204.

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